Yes, its been 2 weeks since I’ve posted but a lot has happened in that time, like moving into a new apartment. Then the little man decided to throw a monkey wrench into his mama’s plans for the rest of the pregnancy. My membrane ruptured on Thursday night. I had gone on break from my job during a very stressful night at work, and called my mom just to vent and calm down a little bit. I said to her “If anything is going to send me into labor early, it will be this job”. We talked for a few minutes before I hung up, heading to get something to eat for dinner. As I stood up, there was a gush like Niagra Falls down my legs. Instant panic accompanied by the thought that it was too early. I quickly dialed my mom back as I waddled as fast as I could into the bathroom, fluid still coming. A brief debate on whether or not I had peed myself or if my water had broken ensued, before determining that yes, my water had broken. An ambulance was quickly called and I was rushed to the local hospital, where after a flurry of exams and tests and poking and prodding, the news that I would be spending the rest of my pregnancy in the hospital. Until I was 34 weeks or he decided he wanted to come out….whichever came first. At this point, it looks like 34 weeks will happen before he decides he wants to come out. I’ve had no contractions, he’s strong and healthy and a good size, and I’ve got no health issues. But because the membrane is ruptured, there is a chance he could get an infection.
So here we are…..I’m comfortably (somewhat) ensconced in a private room on the antepartum unit at the hospital. Getting to know all the staff well, getting know my neighbors (I’m about the only one not confined to bed), and exploring what little part of the floor I’m allowed to see.
I wonder if I can use this for blackmail or guilt material when he turns into a teenager……
Saw this posted on my Facebook feed this morning and thought it was beautiful.
“Reflection of a Mother”
I gave you life, but cannot live it for you.
I can teach you things, but I cannot make you learn.
I can give you directions, but I cannot be there to lead you.
I can allow you freedom, but I cannot account for it.
I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.
I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always decide for you.
I can buy you beautiful clothes, but I cannot make you beautiful inside.
I can offer you advice, but I cannot accept it for you.
I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.
I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.
I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.
I can advise you about friends, but cannot choose them for you.
I can advise you about sex, but I cannot keep you pure.
I can tell you the facts of life, but I can’t build your reputation.
I can tell you about drink, but I can’t say “no” for you.
I can warn you about drugs, but I can’t prevent you from using them.
I can tell you about lofty goals, but I can’t achieve them for you.
I can teach you about kindness, but I can’t force you to be gracious.
I can warn you about sins, but I cannot make you moral.
I can love you as a child, but I cannot place you in God’s family.
I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God.
I can teach you about Jesus, but I cannot make Jesus your Lord.
I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life.
I can love you with unconditional love all of my life…and I will!
I’d been thinking about beginning a blog to chronicle my journey from expectant mom to mom and raising my son. At 27 weeks, I figured maybe it was time to get started if I was going to do it.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I’m 37 and pregnant with my first child. A little late in life to be having a child maybe, but this baby is a miracle for me. I’d been told most of my life that I would never get pregnant because of medical issues. Then in March of this year, I got the greatest gift I could ever be given. I was told that I was pregnant and I was ecstatic at the news. I wish I could say the same for the father, whom I was engaged to. He walked out on us two weeks later. I won’t get into the dirty details, but he’s a deadbeat in the worst sense, with 2 other kids he doesn’t support or see. Its taken me several months, and the support of friends and loved ones, for me to finally accept that my son and I will be better off without him as more and more info about things he’d done and said, even while we were together, came out. I moved back to where I grew up, to be near my parents (who, let me tell you, are excited because this will probably be the only grandkid they ever see) and other family and friends, who have all stepped up and been a huge support system for me.
I’m a full on geek…nerd…whatever you want to label me. I love sci-fi, fantasy, horror, video games, going to conventions (was blessed enough to work for Dragon*Con for a number of years, and can’t wait until my little one is old enough for me to take him to his first one). I look forward to introducing my son to the things I love, to seeing the wonder and discovery in his eyes as he goes on his first adventure with the Doctor, mimics the dinosaurs of Jurassic Park, or gazes at the stars and dreams about traveling them like the heroes he sees in Star Wars and Star Trek. To watch with pride as he pretends to be a pirate or wizard or adventurer…wherever his imagination may take him.
I know I have a long and often hard road ahead of me, being a single mom late in life, but it will be worth every moment.
Ever since I was a little girl, I always knew if I got to be a mommy one day and had a little girl, I wanted to name her Amethyst. It was the name of the main character of my favorite book when I was young, M.M. Kaye’s “The Ordinary Princess”. Which I think if anyone has a little girl, they should have them read it….it will teach them that being themselves makes them amazing just the way they are.
But as fate would have it, I’m being blessed with a boy. And to be honest, I’d never really thought about names for a boy. Back before we found out we were expecting, my ex and I had discussed names for babies because we’d hoped to have a kid together one day. If we had a girl, he wanted to name her Moon or Luna (which I really opposed). But as luck would have it, we agreed on a boys name. It was a character from a movie that was a favorite for both of us:
David Bowie at his finest and a movie I’ve loved ever since I was little. Everyone loves the name, although…..I think its the closest I’ve ever seen my mom come to facepalming when I finally explained to her where the name came from. What can I say? I am truly a geek and want my child to have a name that stands out. So when this little munchkin is born sometime in October, he will be my little Goblin King. I just hope he loves the movie as much as I do and that he’s named from it is something he’ll be proud of.